Your Ultimate Self

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Tag: self help

  • Reclaiming our Power: The Battle of the Mind

    How we view the relationship we have with our thoughts seriously changes the way we interact with our own mind and leads to some interesting outcomes. Instead of letting our thoughts dominate our mental space and lead us toward negative behaviors that cause distress to ourselves and those around us, we can learn to acknowledge the thoughts and meet them with a more objective familiarity; regaining the power that was reserved for our self.

    “Your Mind is your instrument. Learn to be its master and not its slave.”

    ― Remez Sasson

    Before we can change how the thoughts we harbor affect us we have to acknowledge that they are a fundamental part of our biology. They originate from the mind and they arise from both external and internal events that we perceive from our senses. The more we try to fight with our thoughts, repress them, or try to control them the more power we give to them and the bigger monsters they become in our head. This is what leads to rumination and even acting out, mainly to our detriment, due to the thoughts which only turns to increase our own stress and put us in these all so familiar negative thought – behavior loops: (Negative thoughts – inappropriate behavior [drug, acting out, self abuse, overeating, under-eating, etc] – stress – even more negative thoughts) 

    With all this information we can change the questions we ask ourselves about this issue. No longer does it serve us to ask, “How do I get rid of these thoughts” but instead we are enlightened to ask, “How do I move forward after having these thoughts”. Like a surfer that doesn’t fight the wave; an exercise in futility and potential catastrophe, we have to learn how to ride the currents and waves of thoughts that arise in the ocean of our minds. The best way I have learned to do this for myself and many others is to practice mindfulness by sitting with the thought. Instead of fighting the thought, trying to judge the thought and immediately remove it from my mind I simply sit with the thought and allow it to pass by like a cloud on a breezy spring afternoon. 

    Understanding that you are not your thoughts is a key element of this practice. Our thoughts are byproducts of the mind and we have the choice to choose the thoughts we want to bring into our lives as well as accepting the thoughts we want to deem as real. With these two fundamental understandings and a nonjudgmental outlook we can transform our own relationship with our thoughts, reclaim our internal power, and loosen the vice grip thoughts hold on our emotions and behaviors that we so often feel is out of our control. 

    Dr. Shaikh M.D

  • Perception and Emotion

    When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

    —Max Planck

    The way we look at things tends to define how they appear to us in our reality. The most used example of this is looking at a glass half full or half empty. Usually it is a way to create a distinction between the perception of those who are optimistic vs those who are pessimistic. The problem with this example is that it is emotionally neutral and so we can clearly understand how people can see it either or. 

    Emotions change the entire meaning of perspective. When we perceive situations in our life that we cloud with emotions it becomes very hard to see a clear objective picture like in our glass half empty half full example. Emotions introduce a sense of rigidity in our thought patterns and even the meanings we make behind the events in our life. 

    In this way our emotional foundations are what assigns positivity or negativity to a circumstance or situation in our lives. For example the way we view challenges; some people can look at a challenge positively as a means of growth through the lens of optimism, hope, gratitude. Take the same challenge, a person can view it negatively as if it were a problem that they need to avoid using the lens of pessimism, fear, shame. I’m sure you can come up with many examples in your own life where you have seen this but an easy example for us to sit with is the idea of public speaking. Just reading those words may have spiked some of your heart rates; positively for some – negatively for others. 

    Regardless of how we are emotionally tuned to create meanings and stories about the challenges we experience and face, we all have the power to change the effect and outcomes in our lives. The first step requires awareness of our own internal processes; whether it is through self reflection or having someone skilled in reflection shine a light on how your emotions influence your stories which ultimately influence your outcomes. 

    Once we introduce consciousness into the emotional machinery of our behaviors, thoughts, and actions we can understand the choices we make that lead to where we are in life. Nothing in life is static or fixed, we only believe that because we are unaware of the background programs running in our mind that guide our decisions; for the better  or worse. This should be good news to those who want to change where their life is and give some framework on how changing our perception of the events and circumstances in our life can be used to transform our lives for the better. 

    Dr. Shaikh M.D

  • How Awareness influences Outcome

    Just how much of our thoughts and actions are we truly in control of? During our waking state we consciously make the decisions to plan our days in a certain way. We can plan to structure our day down to the hour precisely or take a more free flow approach. Regardless, we are making a conscious decision on how to spend our time and construct our day. 

    However, most of the decisions we make or don’t make go through an audit system in our mind. We determine what is a good and bad use of our limited energy. Who or what then makes that decision of what is worth spending time pursuing or not? A great many of us think we are still acting from the layer of the conscious, but I would argue that the filter that determines what is good or bad for our time is actually at the deeper layer of our subconscious and even unconscious. 

    You see, we have been conditioned at an early age by society, friends, family, and even our selves to create judgments – rationalizations – values – beliefs that have been molded by our internal and external environment. These intrinsic properties that are working underneath the hood of our mental engines are not apparent to us when we make a decision to eat fast food after work or have a sugary snack after we feel upset. These conditioned values and beliefs lay at the core of our decision making and go beyond just dietary choices – starting your own business, asking your boss for a raise, starting an exercise routine; doing these or not are all examples of how our subconscious properties guide our decisions and choices in life. The sobering part of this realization is that we aren’t even aware about these processes working in the background of our psyches. 

    On the bright side, these conditioned and hidden internal systems that are created inside of our selves are not fixed. They are ever changing and evolving – for better and for worse. The fact that they experience plasticity is great news to us, only under one circumstance. If you do not know something is working in the background how can you change it? For that we need to bring these subconscious systems in the mind into our conscious awareness so that we may interact with them and reflect on how they are working towards or against us. 

    “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

    Carl Jung

    Are you interested in learning about your hidden judgments, values, beliefs, and rationalizations that have created the life you are currently living? And if so are you interested in bringing this awareness into your life so that you can change the outcomes you are observing? If so then reach out and book a consultation session today.

    Dr. Shaikh M.D

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  • Resistance: Friend or Foe?

    Resistance is a feeling that is opposition to the goals we set for ourselves and ideals we wish to achieve. Too often it is the silent enemy that is the cousin of procrastination. The insidious nature of resistance is tied to the fact that it is intangible, but also nurtured by the individual it plagues. 

    What if we didn’t have to look at resistance as this antagonistic force that resides within? What if it could be used as a guide or an indicator; similar to how a treasure hunter on a beach uses a metal detector to sweep the shifting sands for gold and silver. How can we use the feeling of resistance to fuel us towards our goals as opposed to something that shrinks us away from the possibilities within ourselves?

    If you think about it, resistance only appears when we attempt to become better. There is very little resistance when we are trying to indulge in a destructive habit: like eating cookies on a diet, skipping our workout, or avoiding an important conversation. When spiraling downwards we don’t deal with resistance hardly as much; however when trying to climb the ladder of success or elevating our selves it seems like resistance is at every corner. 

    With this being said how then can we use resistance as a guide or a sensor instead of a looming feeling that puts us in a state of paralysis? Awareness is the first step; awareness that resistance is a precursor to improvement and change for the better. When we can understand that we feel resistance when we are improving we can change our relationship with resistance and how we interact with it in our day to day lives. 

    Instead of seeing resistance as something discouraging we can flip it into a feeling that lets us know we are on the right track. Feeling resistance can now be used as a marker for the things that desperately need to be done. Whether that’s resistance in writing the book you’ve always dreamed of, starting your YouTube channel, or telling someone how you truly feel; instead of seeing it as something that drains you and makes you smaller than you are it can be seen as what it truly is: a signpost that you are on the right path doing exactly what needs to be done. 

    If you are interested in learning how to shift your mindset and working one on one with a professional to overcome your own inner resistance and limiting beliefs then feel free to reach out and send a message. 

    Dr. Shaikh M.D

  • Interoceptive Awareness, the 6th sense

    We spend most of our days with our bodies functioning in tandem with our minds, a kind of autopilot that allows us to focus on more complicated tasks. However, some type of internal disturbance may break our focus or flow we engage in. This disturbance can range from the hunger pangs of an empty stomach to the feelings of urgency of a full bladder. Our ability to sense these internal states within our own bodies is what is referred to as interoceptive awareness. 

    To clarify, the way we sense the outside world is through the 5 senses of taste, touch, hearing, smell, and vision. That is how we process information external to our own bodies. Interoception, however is the means in which we process information within our body; signals from the gut, lungs, heart, musculoskeletal system, etc. Think about the the last time you had a “gut feeling” or felt off about a new person you just met. 

    Of course, it wouldn’t be of much use if all of our internal sensations were being brought to the forefront of our conscious awareness 24/7. However, being able to tap into the more nuanced signals our bodies send can serve those that have the awareness. Research has shown that some of us are intrinsically better at others when it comes to interpreting and receiving signals from within. This would serve to explain how some of us are better at regulating our food intake when we look through the lens of the obesity epidemic in the U.S, or how some are able to understand the triggers of anxiety when it comes to self management. 

    With all this being said, interoception is still a phenomena being studied and current understandings are being expanded upon. Whether scientists perform research on the vagus nerve and its connection to the stomach or the areas of the brain such as the insula, we can be assured new insights into the 6th sense that allows us to remain in communication with our own body as time goes on. 

    If you’d like to learn more about how I incorporate interoceptive awareness into my transformational coaching practice and how it can be used to increase your cognitive, physical, and emotional health use the contact form to send me a message and lets connect.  

    Dr. Shaikh M.D

  • AI and Human Mindset

    In a world where information and technology has become the great equalizer, how can we differentiate ourselves from others? Tools such as AI have leveled the playing field in terms of obtaining knowledge and information. No longer does one need to spend hours perusing the library and engaging in punctilious research to find the answer they are looking for. 

    So then, it would seem as though everyone should easily reach their goals in greater numbers than ever before. But a quick survey of those close to us would illustrate the contrary. Of course there are more technological resources now than in the past, yet it seems like human achievement is relegated to only a select few in spite of our abundance. 

    Clearly, there are other factors at play. While many different forces can be attributed to this observation, I’d like to emphasize the invisible role that mindset plays and how its role will grow in importance as the sands of time sink in the hourglass of our lives. As technology continues to even out the playing field in life, what will be more and more important is the way humans are able to play the game. Hence, our ability to overcome our inner circumstances and challenges will prove to be just as crucial if not greater than our external environment. 

    Dr. Carol Dweck makes an interesting point about the difference between Fixed and Growth mindsets that we can take with us as we navigate our own lives. Having a fixed mindset is a means for our egos to avoid failure at all costs; mainly at the cost of our own self development and evolution. “Whatever talents I have (intelligence, gifts, abilities) are all that I will ever have” is the story that those with a fixed mindset tell themselves.

    On the other hand, someone with a growth mindset embraces failure and challenges and sees taking risks as an essential part of the process towards success. The stories told by people with growth mindsets sound like this, “I will only reach my highest potential by taking risks and accepting uncertainty as part of the growth process”. Failure for them is something to be learned from instead of shrunk away from. 

    Thankfully, the way we make meaning and the stories we tell ourselves are mutable. We can shift towards growth or we can fall into a fixed mindset; for most of us this is a dynamic process that ebbs and flows from one to the other. When we become aware of these stories and thoughts is when the magic happens and we can start crafting the meanings for the challenges of life in a way that lead us to our highest potential. 

    Dr. Shaikh M.D

  • Cognitive Reappraisal

    Imagine a scenario where you are dealing with a stressor. This includes handling an unruly family member, facing disputes at work, or even having an argument with your spouse. The way we view that stress and characterize it has serious implications on the effect that it has on us. In most circumstances the narrative we create around the stressor is more harmful than the stressor itself.

    For example, when we lose our job, there are multiple meanings we can create around the situation. When we don’t get something we want, we can also create various interpretations. For the former incident, most people frame it negatively. They focus on their perceived lack of abilities, talents, and worthiness. This mindset leads to the formation of limiting beliefs which are carried with us as we navigate our professional, personal, and spiritual endeavors. 

    However, if we take that same incident (losing a job or not getting the object of our desire), we can look at it from another perspective: that this experience is motivating me to become a better version of myself, or that it is a learning event that will fuel my growth and allow me to be more successful in the future. Can you see how when we take a step back and objectively look at the scenario we can consciously ascribe meaning to a difficult or challenging situation? 

    Indeed, this is the essence of cognitive reappraisal. We take a step back from the challenging situation that we are dealing with and use an objective lens to see the meaning that we are making of it. We can then dissect the meaning that we are making of the challenge and see how that meaning limits or expands the future actions we will take as a result.

    In brief, we can alter our realities and outcomes based on our own perception and mind. Since one of the constants in life are challenges and stress which usually can not be changed immediately, one would be wise to shift the perception and narratives we create alongside them so that we can create the best outcomes for our lives and the lives of those around us. 

    Dr. Shaikh M.D